A few pretty good weeks. Limerence fades, as they all say it does. She says nothing, we go without seeing each other, and I feel that longing step back into the shadows and nearly disappear. But all it takes is one text to draw the specter back into my periphery.
I was thinking of asking if you wanted to go climbing.
And bam, that desire is back. I want to abandon my plans: want to abandon helping my grandfather, want to push back game night, just so I can... what, be near her? Just, like, in proximity?
It's chemical, all of it. Just a swirling maelstrom of serotonin and dopamine. A plunging want that tries to get me to do things that aren't me.
That's the crux of it, really. These feelings aren't me. They're things that are happening to me. Things I am experiencing. They will pass, and I will remain.
I'm all that remains, after this. Not these feelings.
But, God damn. How powerful that feeling is. How much I want to respond and give in to that.
Limerence. What a fucker.
